Category Archives: Life Snippets

Life Snippets 13

 
Accumulating
 
The dust on my blinds
reminds me
 
that a duster is required
to remove
accumulation
 
The wall paper
turning yellow tinged
reminds me
I smoke too much!
 
Screwdrivers
 
These are the best
of tools
always handy for
an inquiring mind
 
it’s the getting back
together
that’s tricky
 
Thinking
 
What is it
I think
I
believe
 
are its merits
testable
 
Do I
Know it to be true
or not!

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Life Snippets 12

Titanic II (yet again)
 
In the new design revisions
of the Titanic II, due to start
being built in 2013
twenty 25 meter rubber tires
may be included
 
Just on the off chance
Also twenty ex navy seals
will be part of the staff
to deal with security
and as experts of water
 
Weather
 
It has been many hours
since I have mentioned
the weather, and I call myself
English
 
But there again
I don’t like tea
either
 
Backsides
 
How is it
that back sides
become attractive
I catch myself
sometimes
thinking
oh that’s a nice
backside
 
But then
what is her personality
like

Life Snippets 11

 

Titanic again
 
If they asked me to sail
on the Titanic II
I would have to
ask, can I have
a complimentary
life Jacket
 
News just in
 
Apparently there has been
a very serious case of mimes
at the leaning tower of Pisa
Police are to issue warnings
in semaphore (of course)
 
The heat
 
The heat has
got me good
so I will relax
and
write my toetry
with my
Other foot
 
Getting Old
 
Tonight I am Old
and long to retire
The little Star’s were not
enough, to keep me up
Tonight I will sleep with toooonight
thinkin’ of tomorrow forever

Life Snippets 9 & 10

9
 
Rubik cubes
 
Rubik cubes
have nothing in common
with common sense
if you pull off the stickers
it takes longer
to solve
 
Or
use a screwdriver
it’s so much quicker
 
Old jokes
 
BnQ sign says
Now is the winter
of our
Discount tents
 
Dirty joke
 
Sorry I dropped it
in the garden
while I was writing
it today
 
10
 
Cannibal
 
When I was young
my Grandpa and Grandma (mothers side)
took me to church
I am still a little freaked
out about the whole
bread and wine thing
 
Witness
 
I always enjoy
Jehovah witness at my door
were not so different
neither will move on view point
 
I have Science they have 144,000
reasons for me
to stick with science

Life snippets 8

 
I Brain
 
Am I in my right mind
or my left
being up at
three in the morn
 
Smoking
 
You can’t smoke
a pipe under a waterfall
neither can you
roll a ciggy
in a thunder storm
 
But that doesn’t stop
people trying
 
Life Snippets
 
In the writing
of witty moments
of my life
No memories where harmed, yet!
 
The Ex
 
They call her Jennifer
I call her Lucy-fer
it’s all just semantics in the end
 
Logic
 
Caveat emptor
Logos, abeo

Life Snippets 7

There was no
Life Snippets 7
So this is a filler
 
Toilet
 
Once I was stuck
in a toilet after
the door handle
completely fell off
I called and I yelled
but no one was home
 
I weighed up the locks
And decided it would give
then gave it one huge
shoulder barge
 
well you might guess
the lock ended up
intact, dratted luck
 
It was the hinges
and half the door
that gave
 
English meadow garden
 
But but, I am in Wales
can I still call it that
with a straight face

News just in. Life Snippets extra

 

News just in
 
The new designs of the Titanic II
life boats show them to be
state of the art
In the event that they are deployed
Their on board computer
will immediately turn on GPS locators
And broadcast the message to any ship/boat
in a 150 mile radius
‘oh bugger!, not again’
 
Sticker
 
My solid state drive
is quicker
than your hard drive
 
The sticker states
 
Will be when its all
working
right?
 
Microsoft Update
 
128 updates to go
your kidding right?
and which…
 
…hard drive did I
put all music
 
My life in progress bars
 
and again
I am waiting, for that
green bar to finish
 
progress hmm
not so sure

Life Snippets 6

 
Canadian
 
Once I tried to apply
to be a comedian
but dyslexics should be careful
I nearly ended up
in Vancouver
 
Driving
 
My Granddad
once said about my driving
‘Well that was lucky, we almost
didn’t have space for a playing card’
 
Titanic (III)
 
I have finally run out
of Titanic jokes
but I will go down to
great depths to
find some more
 
Rain
 
It rained for 40 days
and for 40 nights
welcome
to the Welsh
summer
 
Weather
 
The English are not obsessed
with the weather
We merely mention it
a couple times a day
7 days a week
and 52 weeks in a year

Life snippets 5

 
Titanic II
 
I hope someone starts a blog
about the Titanic II
But it won’t be as riveting,
as I think we all know
we’ve learnt from that mistake
 
Monkey (II)
 
Windscreen wipers cost
more than £5
watching Monkeys rip off
somebody else’s
 
Priceless!!
 
Bar
 
I was once voted
most likely person
to be behind bars
 
Luckily for me I’m
better at fixing computers
than pulling pints
 
Wicca
 
Three witches with
three chairs came up to me
today
 
I said I love licking Wicca
the nurses are nice
but the food is lousy
 
Dentures
 
I could never win
an argument with my Gran
until she remembered
to put her dentures
back in
 
Fishing
 
My granddad used to say
that my casting out
should carry a public health warning
Having missed the whole
Canal once
Hook, Line and bait
were clearly not meant
to be bush sided
 
It wasn’t the fishing
I liked, it was the
catapult, he brought

Life Snippets 4

Monkeys
 
You always remember
that you didn’t remember
to push the car aerial down
when already in the monkey enclosure
 
Titanic II
 
The Titanic II will be almost identical
to the original except
the Ice buckets will be
much larger
and sinking is still an option
 
Brass Turtles
 
Is still one of the dumbest
things I have written about
I should have chosen
Cheese wheels
 
Girlfriend
 
Girlfriends are like buses
these days
to expensive to ride
 
Men
 
Men are also like buses
they turn up in threes
crash, and spend
the rest of the time
swapping details
 
Buses
 
Are also like buses
but not like coaches
that would just be
daft